Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
