i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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