I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
