He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
