He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
