I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
