I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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