You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
