guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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