apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
