In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
