That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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