There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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