At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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