so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I didn't notice because vodka
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
