She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I need moral support for this bender
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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