It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
