Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
