I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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