Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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