my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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