I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
