as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
