Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
