If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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