you guys were way drunker than both of me
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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