I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
