we made out on top of his cat.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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