I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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