I'm lost and stupid without you.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
