Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Less talking, more tequila
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
