They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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