Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
