I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
