how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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