Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
