So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
