So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
