I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I am one with the molecules
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
