my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
