Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
