Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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