I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think people are normalizing furries
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
