Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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