I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
