There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
