dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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