my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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