that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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