The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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