Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
