Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
